F the Q Word

“Happiness quite unshared can scarcely be called happiness; it has no taste.” – Charlotte Bronte

Let me start by saying that I feel good. I don’t say that enough. I seem to have very little reservation in sharing when I’m frustrated, annoyed, distracted, angry, or even a little sad. But I rarely find myself openly expressing when I’m in any kind of a good spot. I don’t think I’m alone in that either. Scanning through facebook is almost always like flipping through a phone-book-thick volume of personal gripes and dissatisfactions. And I’ve been as guilty of it as anyone else.

I’m not exactly sure what I could credit with this current sense of wellbeing since I have again changed a few too many variables at one time to accurately calculate a clear cause-and-effect relationship. I’ve continued to refine my diet habits; refueling better after runs and workouts, adding more nutrient-rich foods to meals and shakes, taking some additional vitamins, and making my food choices even more whole food vegetable based. I’ve also tweaked my gym workouts in the last week to better pair muscle groups and schedule more recovery days between those workouts. This should hopefully improve gains while reducing some recurring aches and pains. And I’ve managed to reduce the amount of stressors in my life.

I’m not sure which of these things is or is not more contributive to my current light-heartedness. But I don’t really care either. Today is a good day to have a good day. And I’m thankful to have noticed.

“We’ve been taught that quitting means failure. But we neglect to add the very important caveat to that statement, which is that there are two types of quitting: Quitting things that matter, and quitting things that don’t. “ – Ash Ambirge

A friend of mine recently shared the link to a blog that really hit home with me. The blog expressed the belief (or I would say: “understanding”) that in our efforts to never be seen as “quitters,” we often remain diligent in directions not beneficial to our goals, our interests, or even our personal welfare; and that when we find ourselves expending energy and valuable time in such unsatisfying pursuits, quitting is not a mark of weakness, but instead a sign of self-awareness…or maybe even wisdom. (Read blog here. Seriously. Read it.)

I’m more than satisfied with many of the changes I’ve adopted into my life in the last eight months and genuinely delighted with how natural those new facets have become. But I have been too reluctant and slow in removing and adjusting other stuff in order to better manage my health, my schedule and/or my stress levels. I felt that blog may have touched on some of the reasons why. I read it and several different things immediately came to mind; some unhealthy habits, poorly prioritized routines, previously made commitments. And I started to reassess each of them in an attempt to determine what the biggest obstacles in my life were and what I could do to reduce them or at least traverse them as quickly as possible in order to streamline my existence a little better. In short, I needed to be a better quitter.

“The only reason we should ever persevere is when it matters. And when does it matter? When it contributes to your big picture goals. Anything else is a waste of your time, and not quitting is extremely counterproductive.” – Ash Ambirge

Some friends and I hosted a disc golf tournament last summer to honor a friend of ours. It was moderately successful, we learned a lot, and we planned to do it again. No problem. But to anyone that’s read some of my posts from last fall already knows, I’m not the same person I was last summer. My interests and priorities are vastly different. So when it came time to organize this year’s tournament, I was admittedly much less enthusiastic. But I had already committed to it. Tournaments aren’t cheap so my financial support was definitely needed. And I didn’t want to let my friends down just because I was less personally invested in it. So I was going to do it. It’s not hard to do. It’s just expensive.

After repeated schedule conflicts pushing our date over two months past when we originally intended to hold the event and some unexpected financial set backs, we recently decided that we would have to cancel that tournament this year. It was becoming insanely difficult to coordinate and we just could not afford to do it. I almost felt guilty for how happy I was with our decision. I’d wanted to cancel it for weeks but wouldn’t say anything. And as he and I discussed it, the other financial backer was pretty much doing the same thing. We were both dealing with undue burdens trying to fulfill an obligation that had become way more of a stressor than any source of excitement. But we were both too “committed” to our previously laid plan to admit that our plan was unwise and that we should quit.

At some point you have to accept that the obstacles have piled so high, that the reward for completing a task can never justify the energy spent to accomplish it. It was supposed to be fun. Last year, it seemed a no-brainer that we’d do it again. And maybe we will. But as my interest waned and the obstacles grew, it became nothing more than a really expensive burden of my time and energy at a time when I have so many more important things I want to focus on. I had to quit. We had to quit. I’m not upset at all that we did. Sometimes quitting feels really good.

“As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge.” – Henry Van Dyke

I half jokingly mentioned in an earlier blog that everyone should have a standing weekly taco date. For those that don’t know, a “taco date” is exactly what it sounds like; a scheduled meeting with friends to enjoy delicious tacos and maybe a few cheap beers. But I was wrong. Maybe some people should have a weekly scheduled gathering like that. But I shouldn’t. I have too many life rituals already.

Not that long ago, I could reliably tell you where I was going to be every single Wednesday evening/night, Friday evening, Sunday morning, and Sunday night. That might not sound like that much of a time commitment. It’s only three days out of seven, right? But then you have to subtract the ten hours a day we all spend at work or traveling to and from work. And don’t forget all of that time we waste sleeping each night.

I’m fortunate enough to have a day job with regular hours, so from about four p.m. until 11ish every day, I’m technically free. That’s only 35 hours from Monday to Friday, and I had already committed two of those nights EVERY week, and half of EVERY weekend to standing routines. That didn’t leave a lot of extra time for healthy pursuits like regular exercise, smarter diet choices, or even full participation in my personal relationship.

Sure, they were routines revolving around activities that I enjoy, but my poorly prioritized dedication to the rituals themselves was too time consuming and inflexible and certainly not contributing to making me a better person or moving me towards my goals. In hindsight, I don’t even know if I had any real goals.

Working on reprioritizing my routines has benefitted me greatly. I still maintain many of the same regular customs but with a much higher level of flexibility. I love tacos, and I will not quit going to meet my friends on the occasional Wednesday night (though I’m missing it right now as I type this). I enjoy recording music with my friends on Friday. Playing disc golf with the same small group of friends every Sunday morning is as close to church as I will probably ever get. And my family dinners on Sunday night aren’t about to be cut from my schedule either. But the sheer routine of these things has been reprioritized. I’m not going to rush through a workout in order to eat a taco, or skip a race I want to run so that I don’t miss my Sunday rounds. I have to be a little better at making sure I’m spending my limited time in the most personally fulfilling way possible, even if it may not make any sense to those around me. My life is important enough to get my full attention.

“The time to quit is before you wish you had.” – Kimberly K. Jones

I had a doctor’s appointment today. Nothing dramatic. Just a follow up visit for a physical I recently had. Turns out I’m healthy; really healthy by the sound of it. As he reviewed my chart and read my cholesterol numbers, he seemed maybe even a bit too excited as he shared how rarely he gets to tell people that they’re doing great. I guess that’s good.

Then he went to his favorite topic since I met him. “How’s the smoking?” I told him the truth. I haven’t had a cigarette since last Thursday. “So you quit?” he asked, again a little too energetically. That should’ve been an easy question. I know that I should. And I’m pretty sure that I will. But I’m reluctant to use that word, very likely for the same reason he seemed so eager for me to say it. Saying I’ve quit smoking is outwardly committing to never smoking another cigarette. I’m not sure I’m ready to say that. So I didn’t.

But I will say that I’m happy to have gone even this long without one. I’ve mentioned before that my smoking habit has always been pretty lazy. I smoke one or two a day unless I’m out with friends and then the numbers climb slightly. And it’s not uncommon for me to smoke almost a whole pack while out at the park all day on Sundays. It turns out I’m kind of a binge smoker. And it’s never been the smoking that bothered me as much as the binging.

I like smoking. I like lighting them. I enjoy the physical act of smoking a cigarette. I like the slowness of it. But it’s definitely not a performance enhancing drug for runners. And according to my already improved blood pressure today, it’s apparently bad for you in other ways as well. Go figure.

After getting through last weekend without smoking any cigarettes at all (even on Sunday – what what), I have to admit that I felt pretty good. It was not nearly as easy as I thought it would be and that difficulty is what kind of woke me up to my need to take better control of it. I was using my low volumes as false evidence that my habit was some lower level addiction.

I’m still not going to say I’ve quit smoking. That word seems very permanent and maybe a little overconfident for me, having not gone a whole week without one yet. But I’m not smoking right now, and right now is the only moment I’m in control of. I guess it really doesn’t matter what we’re talking about, I still need to be a better quitter.

“Quitting is not giving up, it’s choosing to focus your attention on something more important. Quitting is not losing confidence, it’s realizing that there are more valuable ways you can spend your time. Quitting is not making excuses; it’s learning to be more productive, efficient and effective instead. Quitting is letting go of things (or people) that are sucking the life out of you so you can do more things that will bring you strength.” – Osayi Osar-Emokpae

I’m definitely not trying to imply that I’m going to adopt a simple “pro-quitting” life philosophy. I certainly would not endorse such a stupid idea. Adversity is not an automatic sign that something is not worth doing. Life is full of challenges that need to be conquered and bested. We learn lessons about the world and about who we are from those challenges. But in developing a strategy to overcome those unavoidable struggles as well as a host of genuinely rewarding ones, It seems invaluably important to know which battles are worth fighting to the end and when retreating is the best strategy for overall success.

I’m working on it. And so far, I feel pretty good…today anyway. Happy Wednesday.

Advertisements

6 responses to “F the Q Word

  1. Whew! Halfway into your blog I thought I would read the words that you were quitting Sunday dinners. Glad you will still be there. As far as smoking, I feel like I should inform you that after you quit cigarette smoking, you will decrease your risk for coronary artery disease (CAD) by 80% in just one year. (Tobacco use accounts for one third of all deaths from CAD). Your heart is working overtime when you are running. Don’t forget the other gifts of smoking like asthma, bronchitis, emphysema, lung cancer, tooth loss (charming), and the one that gets my attention the most, stroke. http://circ.ahajournals.org/content/96/9/3243.short

  2. Pingback: The Sliding Scale | The Lowest Quality

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s